Now, it wasn’t always clear cut for me.
I have been crippled with the idea of what my so called “gift” was. Over time I felt pretty sure it was just some made up bollocks like “purpose” (hold up, keep reading) and life forgot to give me one.
Since I started my own online magazine, Mink (at 20) way before the online blogging revolution, I knew I had a way with words; a very seductive and sexy way with words coupled with dry-witty banter. And despite that, I just felt like it wasn’t “good enough”. Being able to play word ping-pong felt so blah.
How was I contributing to the world?
What good would come of me sharing my experiences and learnings of life?
I have worn many hats and many suited me (I think it’s the shape of my head). What I mean is, I’m one of those people that’s pretty good at everything. I learn quickly and can pick up sports, skills, jobs and personas fairly fast. While some wish they were mouldable, I have found it challenging at times. When you love lots of things and are a bit of a chameleon, it’s a bit overwhelming.
I don’t ever remember a time in my life when I knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. And so, the past 31 years have been an evolution - or more like a series of skyscraper demolitions. I’d build myself into who I thought I was and then, eventually I’d realise it wasn’t me. And so, I would then strip off that identity. These “crumblings” as I like to call it, have ranged from “oh, well” to “brutally painful”. Finding your truth and who you are means ripping off multiple bandaids over and over, until you let the true you emerge. You’ve gotta have a willingness for that shit - and I do. Since I were running around as a little white-blonde headed kid, I have yearned to be my best and grow myself always.
I’ve accomplished some pretty great things over the course of my life (Mink magazine, Career Confessions, been the Managing Editor for My Business and Aspire magazines - the latter which I took from an online mag and launched it into print and onto newsstands; and resident writer/editor for Commbank's Wired for Wonder).
Despite all that I felt like a failure a lot. For a long time I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t make things work. Why I kept finding myself broke and in debt. Why I would rally up momentum and then fall down again. And mostly, why didn’t I know what I wanted to do with my piece of life?
I think it’s because nowadays this idea of “purpose” and “making it” have convoluted the whispers of our heart. We subconsciously believe that in order to live a fulfilling life of freedom we have to become someone well-known. Because if we’re well-known then we will have money. And if we have money we can be free.
Through my journey of self discovery and with the help of my mentors and friends, I have learned that “purpose” doesn’t exist in the context society harps on about.
Purpose lies in bringing our deepest attention to the moment we’re in.
Purpose is bringing love to the world and those around us.
Purpose is something we are and we bring that purpose to what we are doing when we show up in each moment.
You can be mowing the lawn and in that moment, that is your purpose.
Later it might be to shave your bikini line and sing in the shower.
After that, your purpose may be to cook a meal for your family.
And after that it may well be to be the CEO, life coach, professional athlete or the nanny.
This life we’ve been given is a token of time where we get to choose whatever rides we want to go on and experience this game called life. It’s not decided. It’s your adventure book.
In my experience, what we love is right under our nose. It’s just sometimes we’re caught up in the idea of what the world around us “thinks” we should become. And what’s THE thing that will ensure we’ll be seen and loved.
Find time to hush The Voice that consumes you so you can foster and harness The Voice that sustains you. The latter is love. From love, you will birth your truth; your gift.
Give yourself time and have patience because eventually your "gift" will speak through you LOUD and CLEAR.